Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Internal Fog

(Click on the thumbnail for the bigger, better version)

Even with the sun shining brightly, there are days when I struggle to clear the foggy mist from my brain. In this case, the perpetrator of the fog was the surgery in November; but, there are many events that can produce an internal mist that engulfs the brain. I have always experienced a similar miasma after the loss of a loved one.

That period of stumbling about, losing one's way in the half-light, is disorienting, at best. Still, I like to believe that during that lost period, we are processing and sorting material that will shape us and eventually find it's way into expression, if we will only give it the opportunity.

I'm never wise enough to fully grasp the meaning of this experience, much less articulate it. I only know that once the fog has completely lifted, nothing looks quite the same. During the recovery period, I almost always long to "be myself" again.  Inevitably, however, when the edges of my world grow sharper and the colors more vibrant, I find that nothing is exactly as I remembered. Including me.

10 comments:

  1. I'm actually in one of those fogs this morning. I started to feel a bit under the weather a couple of days ago and still not back to par. I woke early this morning and am tired now. Feel slow and sluggish. I always need a couple days of recovery time when I'm tired or have a lot on my mind. I do remember my name though.

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  2. Excellent post, Anita. Very well stated. I think that during those periods of fog, you are growing, changing. The fog is there, perhaps, to mute the outside experience just enough to allow the inside experience to take precedence, but what do I know? :)

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  3. When I worked in the woods, foggy days were always interesting! The fog created a sense of peace but also dulled the senses thus making it difficult to see, smell, and hear. Your image of the oak trees is outstanding!

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  4. Monte - When in a dense fog, I always count remembering my name as a major triumph.

    All the stress of a sudden move has likely drained you. Especially dealing with the move on top of your work schedule. Not for the faint of heart.

    I hope you snap back in the crisp Colorado air. One look at those gorgeous mountain skies should help a bit. Take care and I hope you get some rest.

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  5. Paul - You have clarified a critical point: The fog helps us to isolate the essential elements of the experience. Thanks to your pointing this out, I believe I will be more welcoming to the fog now.

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  6. Steve - Obviously, you know fog in a far more intimate way than I. I have never spent hours in a forest shrouded in mist. Your observation that the fog dulls the senses is very much what I experience with the internal fog. Interesting to me how similar they are.

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  7. A familiar scenario, Anita. Never a place I enjoy being, but always wonderful when clouds begin to clear.

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  8. Mary Ann - Nice to know I am not alone. The next time I am engulfed in the mist, I should look around. I may see a friendly face. :)

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  9. Your words are quite true, it is impossible to stay the same no matter how hard you try. Trying times certainly mold us as few things do. Sometimes I wish I had of done things differently but if I had I wouldn't be me.

    Great thoughts and a great image to represent your thoughts.

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  10. Boyd - Welcome! Thank you for dropping by and for your thoughtful comment. I hope we will hear more from you. Of course, I appreciate the kind words about my photo. I am always a sucker for trees.

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Anita