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Had you suggested to me two months that I would be still be recovering from a routine surgery a full month after a straightforward procedure—one completed without complications, I would have laughed at you. Most likely, I would have retorted in my cockiest voice, “Heh! You don’t know me, very well!”
Hmmm. I suppose we are never too old to learn. I have healed quite effectively. I am able to eat with less pain than in the previous year. (What a relief it is to eat a meal and not wait, then, for the anvil to fall on my head.) Still, I don’t feel at all like myself. I look in the mirror and wonder, “Who is that listless person in front of me?” I read interesting material, there is a brief spark, then my eyelids get heavy, my mind wanders, and I stifle a yawn. The spark fades. Ultimately, I decide to postpone any action related to what I have read.
There has been one accomplishment. I have come up with a new theory. My listlessness started me thinking, and here is what I have come up with: I had always believed that passion, ambition, and creativity resided in the heart, mind, and soul. Now, I realize that they were to be found in the gall bladder, instead. Whuda thunk?!
Hmmm. I suppose we are never too old to learn. I have healed quite effectively. I am able to eat with less pain than in the previous year. (What a relief it is to eat a meal and not wait, then, for the anvil to fall on my head.) Still, I don’t feel at all like myself. I look in the mirror and wonder, “Who is that listless person in front of me?” I read interesting material, there is a brief spark, then my eyelids get heavy, my mind wanders, and I stifle a yawn. The spark fades. Ultimately, I decide to postpone any action related to what I have read.
There has been one accomplishment. I have come up with a new theory. My listlessness started me thinking, and here is what I have come up with: I had always believed that passion, ambition, and creativity resided in the heart, mind, and soul. Now, I realize that they were to be found in the gall bladder, instead. Whuda thunk?!
How did I arrive at this startling discovery? Well, I am living example. I have almost no ambition and only occasionally get a glimpse of a creative urge, as it skitters away barely visible out of the corner of my eye. My passion for any endeavor lasts an embarrassingly brief period of time. Ods bodkins! I am, dare I say it, content to take life easy (easy is a gross understatement) and just allow myself to grow stronger. Meanwhile, I wait to rediscover passion and drive lurking somewhere else in my being. I still have most of my organs, so I suppose there is hope.
Anita, so nice to hear from you! For something not often heard of problems with the gall bladder can be very serious -- my son almost died and had to have emergency surgery a few years ago to have his gall bladder removed.
ReplyDeleteI suspect passion will reappear when you are physically ready to explore, guide and create with it. it would be terrible to have the passion now but not be fully able to act upon it. Perhaps there's a purpose working here.
Keeping you in my thoughts -- take care of yourself.
Earl - Your son's story is alarming. Thank goodness for a good emergency room staff.
ReplyDeleteThe doctors thought that might be what I was in for when I ended up in the hosital Christmas Eve. I was fortunate that they were able to control the infection and I was lucky enough to have time to gather strength for the surgery.
Goodness knows I am taking care of myself—not doing much besides that, but I suppose my body in the driver's seat now.
I think passion resides in the blood sugar. One needs energy to be passionate.
ReplyDelete[pedant mode: wherefore means why]
Doonster - Now that is a hopeful assessment. My blood sugar is fine (and may stay that way, if I cut back on home-baked goodies); thus, I should get my passion back soon.
ReplyDeleteAnita
ReplyDeleteI had to give this some thought before saying anything. Passion isn't an on off kind of thing any more than being creative is. Sometimes the 'Februaries' settle in and the only thing that makes them better is spring. Don't dwell on any slowdowns it only makes them worse or more important than they are. If you don't have the slow or bad times the good ones have nothing to measure against. All will return to as it was with patience. Meantime look at lots of images and think about what you want to do when the energy comes back, it speeds up the process. Glad you are writing again you were missed.
Anita: I agree with Ray, fully. It's all about balance. All of that wonderful creative energy is there, percolating, just waiting to be unleased. All in time. When you get in form, I'm sure that it will be there waiting for you. In the meantime, recuperate. We'll all be here waiting for you. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnita, it seems to me it's not gone, just at sleep, how knows, perhaps like a volcano. Your writing reveals that it ain't over yet, that it's hiding somewhere in there, ready to erupt. It was really nice to read your words again, I recognise at least the last year's Anita in them.
ReplyDeleteNo worries Anita - it's in there just simmering. I'd bet if you put it to a vote, not one person would vote for the gall bladder as being a source of creativity. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry to hear of your travails. Just to make you jealous, my gall bladder problem was diagnosed early enough for effective key-hole surgey and back to work two days later! I am sure that the advent of spring will provide the lifting tide that you need.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am glad to hear from you. Simmering is a good word, as is balance, sleeping then erupting, but I do tend to agree with Ray. Hope you get to feeling better as it is difficult to be creative when we are not feeling well.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back, Anita. Wishing you well.
ReplyDeleteHi Anita - I am right there with you. My passion for photography waned for the past 6 months or so. I was drained and needed a re-charge. I am now beginning to feel it coming back around, which is great. So hang in there. Hope you are on the mend soon. Best wishes.
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