Wednesday, January 13, 2010

From Far Away

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I have been away. Well, in a sense, that is the truth. I have always experienced illness and recovery in this way. While I am ill, as well as during the period when I am returning to full strength, I feel strangely disconnected from the real me. Even as I write these words, I am puzzling over that statement. After all, I’m not one to claim that I have ever had a firm handle on the real me. Perhaps more accurately, I am keenly aware of not feeling quite like anyone I recognize, during an illness. There have been occasions when a recovery period was dominated by massive bursts of creativity—bursts of activity that were out of character with what is more or less my norm. Still others have been deep troughs of non-productivity with nary a creative urge anywhere to be found. This little period of recovery from something relatively minor certainly has fallen in the latter category. I imagine that may be partly because I realize that I am storing energy for the next recovery that, I now know, will begin next week.

I do know that I am doing well because, if nothing else, I am having much better dreams. The feverish nightmare about the giant beetle-type bug that cornered me by glaring with huge malevolent yellow eyes gave way, a few nights later, to a soothing dream of enormous spring flowers that had sprung up all over our property during the night. I was happily looking forward to photographing the lavender blossoms, when I awoke to see the frost on the ground. I sure wish I knew where to find those flowers. They were unlike anything I have ever seen while awake. A promise for spring?

I also know how well I am doing because I am busy getting everything prepped to allow me a few days of sitting or lying like a vegetable without having everything here go to hell in a hand basket. Lots of mundane chores, on top of some of those usual errand-running trips to Bakersfield and LA, are in the offing.

I still begin to droop around three o’clock in the afternoon, but each day I am more ready for this surgery and a record-rapid recovery. Meanwhile, those creative juices are stewing somewhere deep in my consciousness and who knows what will happen this spring. I do know that The Husband planted daffodil bulbs. Whoopee. I won’t even have to leave the property to appreciate the cheerful yellow blooms that make Bear Valley Springs so colorful and offer a welcome glimpse of spring. Moreover, I am certain that I look forward to much more exploration of speedlites for supplementing natural light.

Soon, I—whoever that may be—will be back.


  1. Anita, I've been thinking of you and I'm glad to hear that things are progressively getting better. I look forward to seeing you back under full steam soon. Hang in there.

  2. Earl - How lovely to hear from you! I am delighted that you mentioned being "under full steam". That reminds me of your posts on locomotives and that, in turn, makes me smile.

    Full steam, you bet. The recovery period from this should be short, then I will be better than ever.

  3. Without a doubt, I wish an extremely well recovery, (Can I even wish more?)

    With luck we will see more of you here and where those creative thought take you.

    Niels Henriksen

  4. Niels - It's wonderful to hear from you and thanks for the good wishes. Indeed, you will see more of me here soon. And, more of me "out and about" by the way, keeping up with what all you guys are up to.

  5. Anita (who lives in my parallel universe, lol)--only the best wishes for continued recovery. Nice to see you here.

    Mary Ann

  6. Mary Ann - I like that notion of our parallel universes! Thanks for the good wishes.

    Ah, if only I were twenty or thirty—even ten years younger, this whole thing would be a piece of cake. Then, I would have sailed through with most folks hardly noticing blip on my blog.

  7. Nuthin worse than combining the recovery and winter phase at the same time for the creative. Please hurry through it and you may not even notice the dreaded Febuaries as I call that portion of the year when I wonder about everything. Down time sometimes is the best to make the images that much stronger when we get back to it, that back of the mind thing that works when we don't.
    I have no idea why but as I read this I thought of our sometimes neighbor here Lindsey Wagner, and figure you will find yourself this spring "Better, Faster, Stronger...." at least I am hoping that is true. I'll be thinkin of you get well soon.

  8. Ray - Wow, I like the sound of "Better, Faster, Stronger..." That's something to aim for.

    I feel fortunate to have this going on during winter (not my favorite season). This sure beats missing out on spring or fall.

    It's interesting, isn't it, that we are often working on something when we think we are stuck in "down time"? Where would we back without "that back of the mind thing"?

    Thank you for the good thoughts.

  9. Hello Anita

    I've been following your posts and from the sounds of it, you had a misrable time for a while. Happy to read that you are gaining back strength fast.

    The weather here has been grey, gloomy, foggy and cold [a reletive term, though!] but then every few days the sun peeks out and everthing looks just grand again. Leaving just a memory of the foggy days.....


  10. Anil - I was thinking about you yesterday. I'm delighted that you "returned my call".

    We are headed for some serious winter weather next week. Rain or snow for seven days along with colder temps. In my mind it's an ideal time to be recovering. At least, I won't be lying around feeling blue because I can't get out to enjoy the beautiful sunshine. We had some gorgeous days in December and a few even for early January, but it looks as though things may be taking a turn. I hope you continue to get some of those beautiful days sprinkled in to keep spirits up.

  11. Anita, I just want to add the long list of bloggers who are wishing you a speedy recovery and look forward to when you are back to 100%!

  12. Steve - Thank you so much for dropping by with good wishes. All encouraging and healing thoughts are, of course, most welcome. This won't take long at all. I'll be back and jabbering away before you know it.

  13. I so look forward to your posts as they have these wonderful gold nuggets embedded within them. I do hope you continue to recover, growing "Better, Faster, Stronger...", as Ray mentions. As our number of season lived increase we do seem to recover a bit slower but we do recover. I pray for you, your Husband and those spring daffodils. Hugs!

  14. I don't know when the best time being ill occurs, if ever, but I would likely say that now it's the time, while we should be dormant anyway. Imagine how you like a bear will wake up later, in Spring time, and see everything around us coming to life and bloom. I would think it's like being rebirth, but coming to life with all the abilities that we have earned during our lives. Your spring will be like no other's.

  15. Monte - What lovely thoughts you send and your prayers are deeply appreciated.

    My surgery is over, but a small snag will slow recovery it appears. I haven't been on the web at all for several days now and these two newest messages cheer me while I wait for the next shoe to drop.

  16. Ove - Your cheerful message with images of spring flowers lifts my spirits. Thank you. I will be thinking about that bear awakening and a spring "like no other's".

  17. Anita! Sending you strength to help get through this. Hopefully you are getting wonderful care, seems like most people do these days. Looking forward to your "full strength images" in the coming months.

  18. Bob - Welcome and a thank you for the added strength. The more the merrier. Indeed, I have gotten excellent care and I am coming along extremely well, thank you. I should be back to blogging in a very short time.

  19. Yesterday, the 13th of Feb was the first day of the local Bengali/Hindu month of "Falgun". This day, is also the first day of Spring. This first day of spring is also called "Basant" [Hindi] or "Basanto" [Bangla]and incidentally Saraswati Puja is celebrated the same invoke wisdom and consciousness...

    So, here's wishing you well!

  20. Anil - Yippee! It's official. I can begin to celebrate Spring!

    Thank you for your cheerful message. We are in the midst of some beautiful weather here, and it's a perfect time to begin feeling a little more energetic.


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