Uh-oh, my SoFoBoMo book is morphing—taking on surprising new characteristics, and all those soothing certainties are slipping away. I am confident that this will be all for the better—even excited about new directions. Still, the rapidity with which my clarity evaporated and the ambiguity that has crept into its place are unsettling.
I had been so sure that I had a real handle on what I would shoot, how I would shoot, and some fairly strong convictions about the overall look of the book, if not the specifics of layout and design. However, in just three days of stirring up the feelings that fuel my project, I am back to rethinking much of my plan.
My book is titled—for now, at least—“One Last Look” and is meant to be a visual record of my immediate surroundings for the last twenty years. I knew that digging into my feelings about this move—fear, doubt, buyers’ remorse, and this weird pre-nostalgia melancholy—would arouse all the ambiguity I was already experiencing about the upcoming life-change.
I can’t say the emotions are a surprise. For some time I resisted the project choice in an attempt to avoid the pain. Furthermore, I recognize the lack of certainty as a positive sign that my unconscious is working—eager to play its role in this endeavor. For the moment, I am caught in the struggle for dominance between my conscious mind’s craving for safe predictability and my subconscious mind’s urge to experiment, play and plunge into the unknown. I was so sure this was settled. The next few days should be interesting, as I attempt to hold on through the twists and turns of discovery.