Owning My Space

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About the photo: Night, once again, registering his fury at being left behind.

Where have I been and why so quiet? Well, the short answer is I have been working hard and so tired I couldn’t see straight, much less write a couple of somewhat coherent sentences. If you have read a few entries in my online journal, you know that we moved a little less than a year ago and you can definitely put us in the class of people who move into a new location in stages. In other words, unpacking priorities are determined by the demands of the moment. Essential kitchen utensils, basic clothing and bath requirements, as well as office equipment (that includes some of the many books) came first. Stage two included the items absolutely necessary for making this feel just a little more like a home rather than a roomy motel. For the last week, I have been deep into stage three—making this feel like our home. That has meant hours of digging into boxes filled with those various and sundry life-treasures one collects over the decades.

I admire people who relocate and within a month their house looks as though they had lived there for years, but I can’t identify with their speed and efficiency. I could offer age and reduced endurance as an excuse—not to mention three art shows in a row and SoFoBoMo— but that would be a bald-faced lie. It has always taken me time to get to know a house, come to terms with it’s quirks, and work out my relationship with it. A vastly different house from the one we lived in for twenty years and in a very different setting has meant a new version of our interior landscape.

Most of the work has been pretty close to sheer drudgery in physical terms (yesterday, I couldn’t name a part of my body that didn’t hurt), but the bright spot is hanging more of my prints because I have never had the pleasure of seeing this many of them on our walls. And, I am not finished. After I enjoy a brief breather from my unpacking and hanging marathon, I need to reprint and frame another piece that sold. Because that piece happens to be one of those we most want to display in our main living area, I get to print and frame it twice. Next on the agenda is digging into files for more images that will make this uniquely our space.

Thanks to hanging a number of prints, I have a greater sense of the value of printing and displaying my work. Certainly, seeing a sizable number of framed prints in shows and viewing them amongst guests is exciting, but displaying them in my environment in a semi-permanent arrangement is far more satisfying. I have a feeling that seeing more of my pictures on a daily basis and having the opportunity to develop an ongoing relationship with them is going to affect my photography. How? I’m not certain yet. That may take some time. But, that’s all right, along with another three or four more stages of moving in, I expect many more opportunities to refine my relationship with my cameras.

Missing Betty

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I miss Betty, the red-tailed hawk that so often perched on our roof. We haven’t seen her in months and I think about her frequently. Now keep in mind that we don’t even know if, indeed, our hawk was a Betty, or a Burt. For a little background on how Betty got the name and was assigned a gender, see “Meet Bitchin’ Betty” from Wednesday, July 9, 2008.

The handsome fellow in the photo above has been around a bit lately and does occasionally make use of our roof—sitting in Betty’s spot. But, it’s not the same. Paul Lester posted some observations Tuesday about the way things change no matter how much we wish they wouldn’t. This definitely falls in that category. I had hoped that we would see Betty for many seasons to come, and I catch myself looking for her to return any day now.

Besides, perhaps she will return soon. After all, we saw her most often in late August and through the fall. There may a simple explanation. It's possible that she prefers the hunting elsewhere this time of year. Or, perhaps she has moved on. I don’t want to think about remaining alternatives. Another possibility that I do like is that the handsome fellow who now uses her perch is an offspring. It could be true. I have been told that the hawk I am seeing these days is a young red tail.

Of course, I am romanticizing to avoid unpleasant thoughts. But, I don’t see anything wrong with a little romanticizing now and then to smooth the rough edges of change.

Good Looking Red Head

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Okay, that title was a cheap shot and I should be ashamed. I am. Sort of.

We see a fair number of these woodpeckers from time to time. Normally, it is the Husband who spots birds. Almost invariably, I will be fixated on something else and he alerts me. The variety of birds is one of the reasons that I find myself thinking about a 300mm or even 400mm lens. This photograph, (taken with the 200mm f/4L) is cropped quite a bit to provide a closer look.

I love that red topknot. According to our “Encyclopedia of North American Birds” this is an Acorn Woodpecker and that red top is called a “crown”. Not surprisingly, the Acorn Woodpecker prefers woods where oak trees are prevalent. While it isn’t apparent in the photograph, there are plenty of oaks nearby. This fellow appears to be scanning for another part of his diet: unlucky insects.

Caliente Creek Road Revisited

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A while back, Mark Graf wrote about photographs “Rescued from Picture Purgatory”. Periodically, I think about that post. For the last few days I have been under the weather with my crazy digestive system giving me fits. With little energy to get out and about, I spent time revisiting some old folders and tweaking images that I never had bothered to process. Sunday, I found this one in a Caliente Creek Road folder and enjoyed working on it, so I thought I would share it here.

Anniversaries

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Today I am marking the second anniversary of my blog. And, I haven’t a thing to wear. Actually, the problem is that I don’t have much to say about it.

I suppose it is worth a sentence or two to say that when I began my blog on July 11, 2007, I had no real clue what I would write about and why I was starting a blog. It seemed as though it was worth trying—after all, it was free. Unfortunately, my posting is as erratic as it was in the beginning, and I certainly wish that I had chosen a more original name for the blog, but I wasn’t willing to invest much thought in the experiment when I began—I was that unsure of my intentions. A couple of days ago, Andreas Manessinger shared fascinating thoughts about blogging and celebrated post 1000 in two and a half years. In my two years, I haven’t posted one-third that number. I could work on being more consistent. Still, I can’t imagine now allowing the blog to wither and die. I am grateful that I decided to explore the blogosphere.

The photograph of the doe was taken mid-June when higher ISO was on my mind. (I had just gotten the 50D.) The Husband and I took a drive up on Deer Trail to enjoy the view and spotted this gal beside the road. The light was fading quickly and this was taken at ISO 1600. I couldn’t very well bracket shots (she wasn’t still long) which meant the exposure for the dark background was less than ideal and showed some moderately unattractive noise. I experimented with a small amount of selective noise reduction in CS3. A down and dirty mask thanks to the Quick Selection Tool made the selective part easy and fast.

After shooting with the 50D for a little over a month now, I am comfortable with the battery grip. I still shoot occasionally with the 40D, even the 20D, and I continue to have moments of mental paralysis when shifting from one body to another. I know that I could only solve that problem by taking hundreds of photographs every day and regularly changing bodies. Not likely, I am afraid—except in brief periods of intense activity.

Black Cats and Distractions

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I am not superstitious, but after enjoying this sleek, black cat outside my window on the morning of July 4th, I did have another of those pesky sunstroke/heatstroke/ whatever episodes later in the day. And, this one in spite of thinking that I was doing everything right. Hmm. Maybe that black cat was telling me something. Nah. I’m still not superstitious.

I wish I could tell you that I have been doing all sorts of exciting things since I finished my book, but it would be a fib. Between some instances of just being under the weather, a little hung over from finishing SoFoBoMo, errand-running in Bakersfield and Los Angeles (each of those chews up a day), and distracted by some domestic projects, I haven’t had anything worth writing about. I was pretty certain you weren’t interested in my thoughts about those errands. I even surmised that you wouldn’t have nearly as much fun reading about The Husband and I putting together our new television console as we had completing it. Remember the old days when we bought all our furniture fully assembled?

It's Done

My book is now posted at the official SoFoBoMo site.

Twas the end of SoFoBoMo and all through the blogosphere, not many photographers were stirring—not uttering a peep.

Maybe a lot of us are tired. Or maybe it's the heat. Or, maybe I am just projecting. At any rate, a number of people seem quieter than usual. I think it was quiet last summer about this time, as well.

Now I have some time to enjoy all the other posted books. What a treat.

Problem at SoFoBoMo site

Has anyone else had trouble logging in at the SoFoBoMo.org site? When I attempt to log in, I get a page that is very long and filled with code. It's strange because I logged in yesterday. I wanted to be certain that I could get in and I wanted to review the instructions for upload. On that occasion, the log in was straightforward. However, for the last couple of hours, I have had no luck logging in. I haven't seen any mention of anyone else having difficulty. Maybe it's something going on with my system. Still, I have visited several other sites, logged into accounts at three of them, and had no other problems. Maybe someone can shed some light on this.

Just Under the Wire

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I feel old and tired today—both in mind and spirit. After about four days of focusing almost exclusively on my SoFoBoMo book, I finished yesterday. Completing the book left me relieved, let down, lost, confused, discouraged, dissatisfied, inspired, proud—I need not go on. Yes, overall the enjoyment of the process overrides the negatives. Yet, this was once again an intense exercise during which I learned a great number of lessons. Clearly, some of those lessons will invigorate and inform my photography in the future and I am grateful for them. Nevertheless, I was regularly reminded of my weaknesses and limitations (spiritual, physical, and mental).

I will confess that near the end, I was tempted to ditch the project. As I became increasingly aware of how little progress I have made as a photographer in the past year, the entire exercise seemed more futile. Ultimately, I knew that I was in no mental state to judge merit and had no business making a decision that I would likely regret. So, I persisted.

I suspect that if the book project were the only thing on my mind today, I would be experiencing mostly relief. Certainly, I would also feel pride in just finishing and a new burning desire to be a better artist by this time next year. After all, there is nothing quite like the pressure of collecting and presenting thirty-five photographs to the world to motivate one to dig in. If an exercise like this one doesn’t push you to improve your craft, I don’t know what would.

My general sense of relief, however, is moderated by other events. Yes, regardless of how single-minded I was, life did go on outside that narrow space in our office where I lived for those last few days. My sister’s recovery is going well, and that is welcome news. Still, her life will dramatically change. As a recent widow, she now lives alone and she is feeling a new kind of vulnerability. Along with her children, she will be facing life-changing decisions. She is my little sister, and I am concerned about her.

All that would have been more than enough for me, today. However, The Husband got home late yesterday, found me still chained to my computer in the final stretch, and discovered that our cockatiel had died at some point during the afternoon. Certainly, the bond I had with Lady Bird was not as intense as those I have had with more than one dog and with my horse. Still, she had been with us for about eight years, and I will sorely miss her singing—even her fussing when she saw a hawk and was certain that she was certain to be eaten. Her loss leaves me with one more bruise on my heart, and I have noticed that as I grow older these bruises leave me feeling increasingly fragile.

All in all, I am a bit of a mess. Nothing serious—no one is more aware of that than I. All I need to do is return to counting my blessings to remind myself that I am rich beyond compare in all the things that matter in life. My policy at times such as this is to simply proceed one thing at a time—take care of business, don’t fight the feelings, but don’t give in to paralysis. Therefore, after a couple more reviews of my project to see what gremlins may have crept in overnight, I will post my book at the SoFoBoMo site. I have come in just under the wire. Today is the 31st day.

Freshman Syndrome

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Last week, I found myself thinking that it would be nice to take a day off from photography. I looked at my file folders for the month of June and thought I might like to give the whole thing rest for a couple of days running. But, a funny thing happen on the way to the weekend. My schedule filled up and I find myself filling CF cards, processing, and reviewing as though there were nothing else in the world to do. Each day,there was something that got me out and motivated me to come straight home and review the “day’s catch”.

Now, I am facing a deadline for SoFoBoMo that looms all too close. Here it is the 22nd and I have only until Saturday the 28th to complete all my editing, processing, layout, and text. I feel like the college freshmen who has goofed off—perhaps partied—until the night before the exam, or the term paper is due. Only, in my case, I got stuck in the stacks in the library, or lost in the lab—deeply absorbed in other learning projects and forgot to focus on my assignment. I am learning about western style riding events and having an opportunity to photograph them frequently. Just last Friday, a friend called to alert me to a small herd of elk just a couple of miles away, and off The Husband and I scooted to spend at least half an hour admiring the five bulls so close to us. Too many opportunities, and so much to learn.

Of course, I don’t have to complete the book. It is, after all, a self-assignment and neither Paul Butzi, nor anyone else, issues failing grades for anyone who opts out. My problem is that I really want very much to finish this. It’s just that I want to do all these things—my SoFoBoMo project, the equine events in our area, and continue with all my other nature photography. I need fourteen days in my weeks.

What I am left with, is that I will complete my project in some form. It appears certain that it will not come close to my original expectations, but it will be a start; and, because I am very much attached to Oak Canyon Trail now, I will continue my mission in some form or another as time passes.