Painful Admissions

Probably because I always over-valued my independence and dependability, this is painful for me and frustrating. Recently I have not been able to keep up my blog, nor have I been able to keep up with fellow bloggers. My back pain has come back with a vengeance and I have to take a lot of pain killers to function at all. They are just over the counter stuff—the heavy duty drugs knock me for a loop and my system rebels. Nevertheless, even the lightweight drugs leave me a bit fuzzy-headed and lethargic after a bit. I got through both shows in decent condition, but maybe I pushed too much. At any rate, I have been in rough shape.

This is not what I want to be talking about. It is so boring it makes my teeth hurt, but what is more painful is having friends think I am so caught up in myself that I have no interest in what they are writing about and the images they are sharing. I have hopes that my back will settle down. I have tried some remedies lately-all of which backfired, big time, but I remain hopeful.

I shall return! Meanwhile, I will stay in touch as best I can and am determined that this week I will at least be able to get out on the web more to see what everyone else is up to.

Photos to Share and Photos to Hide

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Several recent comments here, as well as posts by other bloggers, have caused me to think more about the decisions we make regarding the fate of our photographs. For me, at least, it's usually fairly simple to identify the bombs that I really don't want to be reminded of. Ever. Those are deleted during the first edit.

Then, there are the ones that may someday work—they aren't exactly singing to me, but seeing them the next time I open the folder won't send me into a fit of depression.  A few of those get processed, sometimes reworked a time or two, and sometimes shared. Periodically one of them even becomes a new favorite.

Rarely, there is a RAW file that fairly shouts, "Me. Me." When that happens the picture is usually shared in one form or another. Sometimes those get printed.

Now, if only all the pictures fell neatly into one of these three categories. Unfortunately, I end up with too many in the "What Now?" category. In this case, I find that the dialogue runs toward, "I like it. I think. But, I'm not sure why. Is it because this reminds me of something that I have previously admired? That's probably it. Mine is a lousy imitation of something good. Yeah. I hate it. I think." When that happens, I spend varying amounts of time weighing the risks of showing something that I am drawn to, but have absolutely no confidence in. (This scenario fits the photo I published on March 23.) Sometimes, I am in a what -the-heck mood. On other occasions, I cave and the photograph remains in the folder sinking further and further to the bottom of the black hole that is my old folders. Eventually, most of those images are lost and forgotten.

Lately, I have posted a great number of pictures from my "drive-by" folders. I don't prefer to shoot that way, but we seem to always be on the road these days to some appointment or the other, and the camera helps me make the trip with some degree of calm. You probably recognize the picture above as another from the series taken along Highway 58 on the way down to Bakersfield. I have become self-conscious about posting so many of these pictures taken on the fly with the G7, but this is mostly what is happening in my life at the moment.

Do you ever have discussions with yourself about whether to share a picture, or tuck it away in your "private file"?

I Flunked Blogger Migration 101

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(For what seemed like two weeks at least—a weekend is a long time when you are wandering in the wilderness, whimpering in desperation—my blog was floating somewhere out there in cyberspace, and I had no idea what was going on. Finally, today, I backtracked, restored the original settings and, at least for now, it seems all is normal.

However, the deadline appoacheth. Rest assured, I will seek guidance before tackling migration a second time. This round I plan to hire someone who speaks web design—specifically someone who is familiar with the Blogger dialect. I am not about to dive into that nightmare task again. This is a job that definitely calls for more web savvy than I have. Evidently, I had the settings all cockeyed and heaven only knows where I had routed my poor little blog. It doesn’t appear bruised by the buffeting it must have taken ricocheting about out there in space, but it makes me shudder to think.

Talk about being upset. Whoa. Major league stuff. I managed to keep my sanity by using my camera; but it was a close call, I don’t mind admitting. Lest you think I was anxious about my precious posts, I wasn’t that devastated about losing what I have written. Heavens, no. For one thing, if I did care that much, I have the rough drafts in MS Word. The photos are on my hard drive. What upset me was losing the comments. That is the heart of the blog, after all. All those warm, funny, thoughtful, informative, and thought-provoking comments posting by readers. Why wouldn’t I be tearing my hair out at the thought of those being lost. Whew. Gives me the chills to think about it.

M Day

Today is Migration Day. I have fingers and toes crossed, I’m holding my mouth just right, threw salt over my shoulder (both shoulders because I can’t remember the rule), and I am headed for the backyard to look for a four-leaf clover.

If all goes well, my blog will be headed for anitajesse.com (process fully completed in three days, I think)—still Blogger, but at my own domain. If the process fails and my blog ends up in limbo, the wailing and gnashing of teeth will reverberate for days. Weeks, maybe. I don’t want to think about the possibility.

See you soon. I hope.

Blogging for Dummies

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Not only am I not a geek, I am virtually paralyzed by the thought of most software. For example, I have almost none of the bells and whistles on my blog that Blogger offers and I am not even considering ever switching to Wordpress. Now, take this for what it is worth, since I have already admitted that I don’t know what I am talking about; but, my ill-informed impression is that Wordpress is well suited for folks who are adept with software while Blogger is designed not only for those clever enough to maximize it’s capabilities, but for dummies as well. Furthermore, the only version of Blogger is free and that suits my budget perfectly. Is there any wonder, why I went with the latter?

Being a non-geek, shows up front. My blog is in need of updating, but every time I get into the dashboard, I spend far too much time bumbling about and get frustrated that it takes so much time to complete what I know should be a simple task.

In the last few days, I screwed “my courage to the sticking place” and switched from the old "post editor" to the newer "updated editor". By the time I experimented for a couple of days, I was more than a little ticked-off and convinced that I had wasted my time and driven my blood pressure up by at least ten points. It appears that I traded spell-check and new problems for a couple of conveniences that I had been living without up to this point.  Yes, I got a typeface I prefer, namely Helvetica. Still. Worth all the hair pulling? Let’s put it this way, I switched back to the old, unimproved editor after one post—for health reasons. Life is short.

On a slightly saner (at least calmer) note, I have been curious about statistics for my site for at least six months. I know I have a very light traffic, but it would be nice to see the growth. I do think that I have more readers now than I did a year ago, but I have never had the gumption to install any sort of counter. I don’t spend much time thinking about it. Although curiosity is a powerful motivator, I wouldn’t be doing anything different with my posts after reading the statistics. I suppose, then, that it doesn’t matter except that it irritates me to be handcuffed by my lack of education—which is compounded by wimpiness. It's pathetic, isn't it, if you can't easily master Blogger? Hopleless, I would venture to say.

By the way, I have finally returned to fight another day with new "updated editor" and we are getting along better now. And, you can stop laughing at me now, thank you. Sigh. I think I will concentrate on taking more photos and enjoying the digital darkroom. It's wise to acknowledge our limitations and stay in the kiddie sandbox if we truly belong there.

P.S. If you are wondering whether the photo connects with the text, think about it. Bird. Brain. Riiiiiight.
 
P.P.S. I don't stay in this sort of mood long. There is no payoff. But, sheesh, every so often I just need a good rant. I already feel better.

Anniversaries

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Today I am marking the second anniversary of my blog. And, I haven’t a thing to wear. Actually, the problem is that I don’t have much to say about it.

I suppose it is worth a sentence or two to say that when I began my blog on July 11, 2007, I had no real clue what I would write about and why I was starting a blog. It seemed as though it was worth trying—after all, it was free. Unfortunately, my posting is as erratic as it was in the beginning, and I certainly wish that I had chosen a more original name for the blog, but I wasn’t willing to invest much thought in the experiment when I began—I was that unsure of my intentions. A couple of days ago, Andreas Manessinger shared fascinating thoughts about blogging and celebrated post 1000 in two and a half years. In my two years, I haven’t posted one-third that number. I could work on being more consistent. Still, I can’t imagine now allowing the blog to wither and die. I am grateful that I decided to explore the blogosphere.

The photograph of the doe was taken mid-June when higher ISO was on my mind. (I had just gotten the 50D.) The Husband and I took a drive up on Deer Trail to enjoy the view and spotted this gal beside the road. The light was fading quickly and this was taken at ISO 1600. I couldn’t very well bracket shots (she wasn’t still long) which meant the exposure for the dark background was less than ideal and showed some moderately unattractive noise. I experimented with a small amount of selective noise reduction in CS3. A down and dirty mask thanks to the Quick Selection Tool made the selective part easy and fast.

After shooting with the 50D for a little over a month now, I am comfortable with the battery grip. I still shoot occasionally with the 40D, even the 20D, and I continue to have moments of mental paralysis when shifting from one body to another. I know that I could only solve that problem by taking hundreds of photographs every day and regularly changing bodies. Not likely, I am afraid—except in brief periods of intense activity.

Kreativ Blogger Award

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The latest talk in the corner of the blogosphere that I frequent is The Kreativ Blogger Award. Andreas Manessinger offers a description of the award and the spirit in which it is passed along. If you haven't already, visit Andreas' site. Be prepared to be stunned by his beautiful work.

Late Tuesday, I learned that Paul Lester has passed the torch to six more bloggers, including yours truly. I am honored and delighted.

Now, it’s my turn to list six things that make me happy and then list six bloggers who deserve the award. What? Only six things that make me happy?
Okay, here are six of the many things:

- My husband’s smile.

- Learning something new.

- Watching the light of discovery go on in someone else's eyes.

- Sunrises and sunsets. (That only counts as one. Really, check the rules.)

- Long walks with lots of stops for taking pictures.

- Being the first one up in the morning and enjoying the solitude.

This is tough, because I just got started and I didn’t get to list: sunshine, finding a new friend, the sight of a horse running free, the feel of dog’s tongue when it licks your face, watching and listening to the Kern River tumbling down from the mountains, the comfort of my home with all my flea market treasures in place, or even the taste of chocolate. Oh, well.

Listing six bloggers who deserve special recognition was even trickier. First of all, Paul Lester has already listed many of my favorites and I can’t just copy his list. Besides, there are more names I would add. I don’t always leave comments at these blogs, but I aim to be better in the future. Because I am such a newbie at all this, I am regularly awed by the amount of time people are willing to spend sharing with others as well as the sheer volume of information and guidance made available. Sometimes, I still shake my head in wonder.

- Doug Stockdale at Singular Images. I began following Doug’s blog soon after I started blogging and have marveled at his productivity and evolution. He supplies information, inspiration, and personal reflection.

- Laurie Jackson at Capture This. Laurie’s site has long been a favorite of mine. Her photos are gorgeous and full of all the feeling she has for her family and the world she sees.

- Niels Henriksen, My Camera World. Niels provides detailed posts packed with ideas and inspiration. His occasional travel photographs alone are a reason to stop by.

- Beau Harbin’s blog at Beau Harbin Photography. I am enjoying following Beau’s journey and watching his photography grow. Meanwhile, his style has an ease and a wonderful down-home feeling that is irresistible to me. It’s obvious that he photographs with his heart.

- Mark S Johnson, recently of Radiant Vista, deserves kudos for his amazing output of information-packed tutorials. His CS3 tutorials saved my sanity.

- Sean McCormick at Neutral Hills Still will probably send me hate mail for putting him on this list. He is taking a short break at the moment to recover from some surgery and probably won’t be able to participate. Still, I couldn’t omit Sean. His blunt and passionate writing (occasional though it may be) fires me up, and his photographs are breathtaking.

It may not be within the spirit of the rules, but I have to list some folks that have already been named. (I am not certain whether the idea is to broaden the scope of the list and keep adding new recipients.) All these people are Kreativ Bloggers who have greatly influenced me and provide daily inspiration as well as guidance.

- Paul Lester (There is a reason his name keeps coming up on these lists.) When I spend time at Paul's site, I always feel as if I have sat down on a park bench beside him for a nice chat. And, after the visit, I'm a little wiser and I feel better about my day.

- Gordon McGregor Don’t let the sparse posts recently fool you. Gordon is normally prolific—sharing inspiration and information. I miss him when he’s quiet.

- Amy Sakurai defies a brutal schedule to create engaging work, delivered with an openness about the role of photography in her life.

- Mark Graf doesn’t post often enough for me, but that’s only because I enjoy so much everything he does post.

- Colin Jago is so smart he intimidates me a bit. Sometimes, I read his posts and it takes a while for my head to stop spinning. Still, early on—when I first discovered blogging, I devoured every word I could find on his site.

- Paul Butzi is, well, Paul Butzi. Paul’s site was the gateway, for me, to the blogosphere. Somehow, by incredible good fortune, I stumbled onto his site near the start, and a whole new world opened. I found many of the bloggers listed above through his site and still need my dose of Paul B. each day. His passion, knowledge, creativity, honesty, talent, and occasional delicious crankiness are all a source of joy. Besides, he brought us SoFoBoMo.

Thanks to all these creative and generous people, I learn something every day; and, I am constantly reminded that there are kind-hearted, creative, passionate people all over the world facing the same challenges and disappointments that we all confront.