Happier Times

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Update: Blogger is playing nasty, this afternoon. I am going to roll over and play dead. If you click on the link you can see the image.

(I trust that by now most people are noticing that clicking on some of the thumbnails here will not accomplish much. There is still a link to a larger version, but that link is in the text below the thumbnail. This new workflow is giving me headaches to get used to, as well; but when it comes to using images at the new website, it makes for a much smoother workflow.)

If you would prefer to skip the sad sack, personal, post below, link to the much more upbeat post at the new blog.

I haven't exactly been Miss Sunshine for the early days of 2012. The hard work on my new site paid off, I think. Before long, I will get to some more tweaking. But, I can live with it as is for now.  The bad cold I am fighting was almost certainly triggered by lack of sleep which came courtesy of the long hours working far outside my expertise as well as some losses and major disappointments that I haven't handled well. Another of those periods where life serves up lemons and it's up to us to make lemonade. Clearly, I have misplaced the sugar or I got rotten lemons, because the taste in my mouth is still sour.

One of the disappointments comes from having learned that someone in whom I had placed great faith and for whom I had enormous affection is a fraud. This is a person who has been living a lie for years, now, and I was one of the suckers. Only, I didn't have to be reeled in. Heck, I jumped into the net. 

This person I loved—from a relatively safe distance, granted—was deeply flawed from top to bottom and now I am reeling. Reeling from shock, disbelief, and that awful aftermath of betrayal.  This is one of life's most bitter lessons. Learning that we really know so few people. We are attracted to the public persona, to the personality these people perfect for the public. We have all known them and by the time you have lived many years, you have been taken in by a few. Still, it is never painless.

Like all of life's wounds, this one will scab over and eventually heal. It just takes time. I still have a lot of good memories thanks to this person and, soon, those memories will overpower this sour feeling. I am focusing on those good times, now, and waiting for the weight to shift.

Monday: The Day the Circus Came to Town

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Judging by how things are going here at Blogger, it Looks as if the circus may not have pulled out, after all. Maybe today will be interesting, too.

The last week actually didn't have a midway kind of feeling at all. Instead, it was quite somber. recently, life has been all about losing friends. Death, a couple dealing with terminal illnesses, and one the victim of self-destruction. Losing friends and loved ones is a natural part of life, but every so often there is pile-up in the schedule and one's coping skills get a bit frayed with overuse.

Sunday, I attended a memorial service and got through that reasonably well. I even went to bed that night thinking I had a fifty-fifty chance of getting some sleep in spite of the lingering hacking cough. And then, in the wee-est hours of the morning, the coughing was abruptly interrupted by the thought that the trial period offered by my web host had likely expired. I crawled from beneath the covers to check on the iPad and verified my suspicions. After getting the credit card and switching to the PC, I paid to secure the site and thought, "Now, now some rest, surely". Boy, was I wrong about that.

At this point, I have to skip to summing up the feel of the day, because the list of things that went whacko is far too long to enumerate and each is so trivial as to be of no interest to anyone—including me, at this point. For a general feel of the chaos, it ranged from a power outage, to news that underneath its covers my website was a wreck, to news that my daily prescription could not be refilled, then a lively wriggling dog covered in mud faced by a lady who can't get get up and down off the floor without major assistance. And not a husband in sight. He (the Husband) was gone for the day and I was fielding calls from him all day about things he had lost and how exhausting his trip was.

I knew I could give in to rage, sit down and cry, or find the humor in it all.  I elected to see the day as a Keystone Kops sort of affair. Or, an episode of I Love Lucy, only picture a crippled-up, decrepit Lucy trying to deal with those chocolates on the conveyor belt. Every time I thought I was getting on top of things another "pipe would burst".

It definitely was a circus of sorts. No cheerful calliope music; but, it took my mind off my mourning.

Today, we only have frozen water pipes. Yawn. Looking good, so far.

About the Circus

Tomorrow, if I have recovered sufficiently, I will tell you why it has ended up being over a week since my last post. Meanwhile, it appears that all is well again at my new site, anitajesse.smugmug.com.

Is it my imagination, or do a number of fellow bloggers seem in a mood to test boundaries in this new year? Perhaps I am just more conscious and noting the changes, experiments, and flaunting of critics. Not that it is new, but that tone feels concentrated at the moment. It could very well just be my present perspective. What do you think?


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