Farewell to Winter—Maybe

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The day before yesterday, we said goodbye to snow for this Winter. Now, that may very well be wishful thinking. It's only early March. We are a long way from long, lazy, days filled with sunshine. At any rate, we celebrated a beautiful snowfall, and I finally got some use out of my new snow boots. We took time off for a drive around the valley simply drinking in the scenery and being grateful for living in such a beautiful place. This winter has been a bit of a blur for me. I felt as though I had missed the entire season. Now, the daffodils have peeked out from under their covers and I am fully ready to watch for spring wildflowers and longer days.

P.S. I'll be back to regular visiting and leaving bread crumbs in a few days. More about that later.

A Little of This and a Little of That

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Before I start babbling, I want to offer my heartfelt appreciation to everyone for the encouraging notes. They made more difference than you could know.

I haven’t had anything to say lately because I was filled with far more questions than answers and, basically, was afraid of the answers. So, I hid out, played the denial game for a bit, and by then I certainly had nothing to talk about that would interest anyone. These were all health issues (yawn) and there isn’t anything more boring to write or talk about so, but, darn it, they filled every corner of my mind. While these were nothing more than the type of pesky questions that we all deal with from time to time, silence seemed the only humane choice.

Most all the questions were resolved favorably, and I am feeling much better, in general. However—ah, yes, those pesky “howevers”, something else had developed and it has slowed me down. I developed pain in my right hand that has made it impractical to type (my how quaint—it’s “keying” now, isn’t it?) for long periods. Holding my camera for any extended time gets everything stirred up and I have been taking few pictures. Finally, a cortisone shot (for trigger finger—not in my trigger finger by the way—life is filled with little jokes, isn’t it?) is producing real results, and the thumb and wrist may just be plain old arthritis. As the saying goes, “Getting old is not for the faint of heart.”

Still, I have made good use of my limited time with the camera by exploring functions and breaking out of my old philosophy of manual-or-nothing mode combined with natural light and nothing else. I hate to admit it, but those AV and TV modes can be pretty handy. Heck, I have even experimented with P mode (some say that P stands for professional, after all, right?) and I have made use of auto ISO. Live and learn. I continue to investigate off-camera lighting and have lost neither my curiosity, nor my determination to make it a regular part of my arsenal.

We are planning a short trip soon. Now, that I am so much better, travel sounds like fun rather than a dreadful test sure to lead to disappointment, and I am determined to take photos. I wonder if I can learn to use my DSLR upside down and left-handed? Hmm. Not sure I could get used to reading those numbers backwards. I am exaggerating to poke fun at the situation, I will be able to take some pictures even if it isn’t quite as many as I would like. In the meantime, I make simple photos like the one above mostly because I discover more each day that it’s seeing the picture—no matter how mundane and hearing the sound of the shutter that brings me pleasure. For now, I am not concerned about those 12x18 prints.

Passion, Passion, Wherefore Art Thou?

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Had you suggested to me two months that I would be still be recovering from a routine surgery a full month after a straightforward procedure—one completed without complications, I would have laughed at you. Most likely, I would have retorted in my cockiest voice, “Heh! You don’t know me, very well!”

Hmmm. I suppose we are never too old to learn. I have healed quite effectively. I am able to eat with less pain than in the previous year. (What a relief it is to eat a meal and not wait, then, for the anvil to fall on my head.) Still, I don’t feel at all like myself. I look in the mirror and wonder, “Who is that listless person in front of me?” I read interesting material, there is a brief spark, then my eyelids get heavy, my mind wanders, and I stifle a yawn. The spark fades. Ultimately, I decide to postpone any action related to what I have read.

There has been one accomplishment. I have come up with a new theory. My listlessness started me thinking, and here is what I have come up with: I had always believed that passion, ambition, and creativity resided in the heart, mind, and soul. Now, I realize that they were to be found in the gall bladder, instead. Whuda thunk?!

How did I arrive at this startling discovery? Well, I am living example. I have almost no ambition and only occasionally get a glimpse of a creative urge, as it skitters away barely visible out of the corner of my eye. My passion for any endeavor lasts an embarrassingly brief period of time. Ods bodkins! I am, dare I say it, content to take life easy (easy is a gross understatement) and just allow myself to grow stronger. Meanwhile, I wait to rediscover passion and drive lurking somewhere else in my being. I still have most of my organs, so I suppose there is hope.

From Far Away

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I have been away. Well, in a sense, that is the truth. I have always experienced illness and recovery in this way. While I am ill, as well as during the period when I am returning to full strength, I feel strangely disconnected from the real me. Even as I write these words, I am puzzling over that statement. After all, I’m not one to claim that I have ever had a firm handle on the real me. Perhaps more accurately, I am keenly aware of not feeling quite like anyone I recognize, during an illness. There have been occasions when a recovery period was dominated by massive bursts of creativity—bursts of activity that were out of character with what is more or less my norm. Still others have been deep troughs of non-productivity with nary a creative urge anywhere to be found. This little period of recovery from something relatively minor certainly has fallen in the latter category. I imagine that may be partly because I realize that I am storing energy for the next recovery that, I now know, will begin next week.

I do know that I am doing well because, if nothing else, I am having much better dreams. The feverish nightmare about the giant beetle-type bug that cornered me by glaring with huge malevolent yellow eyes gave way, a few nights later, to a soothing dream of enormous spring flowers that had sprung up all over our property during the night. I was happily looking forward to photographing the lavender blossoms, when I awoke to see the frost on the ground. I sure wish I knew where to find those flowers. They were unlike anything I have ever seen while awake. A promise for spring?

I also know how well I am doing because I am busy getting everything prepped to allow me a few days of sitting or lying like a vegetable without having everything here go to hell in a hand basket. Lots of mundane chores, on top of some of those usual errand-running trips to Bakersfield and LA, are in the offing.

I still begin to droop around three o’clock in the afternoon, but each day I am more ready for this surgery and a record-rapid recovery. Meanwhile, those creative juices are stewing somewhere deep in my consciousness and who knows what will happen this spring. I do know that The Husband planted daffodil bulbs. Whoopee. I won’t even have to leave the property to appreciate the cheerful yellow blooms that make Bear Valley Springs so colorful and offer a welcome glimpse of spring. Moreover, I am certain that I look forward to much more exploration of speedlites for supplementing natural light.

Soon, I—whoever that may be—will be back.

Temporary Arrangements

First of all, my sincere appreciation to all of you who have dropped by to say hello and send good wishes. Your messages cheered me immensely, and I am grateful to each of you for helping to feel that I am still connected to the conversation.

This type of post is getting to be a habit, but I can promise that it won't last forever. I am speaking of days on end without a word, followed by short posts without photos.

Unfortunately, my body is not the only thing in my life that is operating at less than full steam; I have been without an Internet connection for some time now. Thank goodness for The Husband's computer and his generosity in sharing. None of this is meant to insinuate that I could put up any posts worth visiting even with a connection to the web, but I might have done a tad better than my sorry showing over the past few weeks. I hope to get the Internet connection back today or tomorrow. As of tomorrow midday, I am done with the antibiotic and that should mean fewer days of being marginally dysfunctional. Furthermore, this week is about surgeon-shopping and that experience should be behind me by the end of this month, or at least early February. It seems likely that I will be particularly appreciative of Spring this year.

I am deeply grateful that everything about this stage of recovery is going as well as it is, and optimistic about soon having all this behind me. Normally, a voracious reader and viewer, as well as compulsive-learning machine I have been spending hours with eyes at half -mast and even taking naps! You have no idea how few naps I have taken in my life. My mother learned early on that there would be no mid-day relief for her. Tucking me into bed for a quiet nap was not an option. She would be shocked to know that I have actually nodded off a few afternoons. Furthermore, I have watched more stupid television in the last three weeks than I had viewed in the previous three years. We all know that television more or less washes over you, requiring little or no engagement. Embarrassing as it is to admit, that has been just my speed. Escapism of the cheapest sort.

Oh, well, this thing hasn't qualified as awful by any one's standards and it will be over soon. Moreover, as bad as the timing was for this, there are even some positive aspects to that angle. We have had a good deal of rain (not ideal for walks), and I am already looking forward to this year's crop of wild flowers. We should have a wonderful display this year. Can't get much more cheerful than that. Bring on the poppies and long walks.

Happy New Year

Happy, happy New Year to all!!

May 2010 hold unimagined blessings

for you and your family.

Back From My Christmas Adventure

This time I really was off on an adventure, and I will tell about some of the good parts later.

I had been feeling really rotten for about a week and on Christmas Eve our treat was a trip to the Emergency Room in Bakersfield. Not a fun place to wait for Santa, I'll tell you.

I am much better now, but exhausted. It's 2:20 PM and I'm tired. That stinks.

I may have stories about some of the wonderful people I met, but no photos. The Husband knew that I was really in pain because I wasn't taking any pictures and didn't want to take a camera with me when we headed to Bakersfield.

I felt bad about not posting a Merry Christmas message here. I did have good intentions. And, yes, I know which road is paved with that exact material.

I hope everyone had a jolly good holiday. My spirits were lifted by all the marvelous people who took such good care of me. They all worked through Christmas with such great cheer. Along with all the lousy jerks we hear about on the news who do their best to make "human being" a pejorative term, there are so many lovely people in the world. I was blessed to land in a whole nest of the loveliest, just when I needed them most.

Travels

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You might say that I have been traveling the last couple of weeks. But, in my case, not the sort of traveling that probably first came to mind. Yes, there have been the usual one-day errand-runs to Bakersfield and Los Angeles—journeys to the city to stock up on on various and sundry types of supplies—but, most of my time has been spent on excursions of another type altogether.

The photo here represents one of those departures. Back when I was living in Los Angeles, I occasionally took on assignments to photograph people and their horses. This wasn’t a regular thing, since I was working full-time running the acting studio; but, it was quite satisfying when I found someone I really wanted to work with. With so much to photograph here in Bear Valley Springs, I had thought that I wouldn’t miss that part of my photography. I reasoned that with our horses never really out of sight here, I would be more than happy just taking pictures of them and I wouldn't need to make pictures of other people and their horses.

I was wrong. It turns out that I miss recording those stories about that relationship between human and animal. Finally, I dipped a toe in the water, and now that I have done a couple of these sessions, I am eager to further explore the possibilities.

And, yes, I continue to spend huge chunks of my waking hours in an exploration of lighting with speedlights. Talk about fun! I am having a blast. My test photos are not something I want to post on my blog—or anywhere else for that matter. I now own North Amerca’s most photographed teddy bear, and I have taken pictures of The Husband that I could publish only if I didn’t value my life. Nevertheless, I am learning and no longer intimidated by terms such as ETTL, channels, groups, and ratios. Moreover, shocking as it is to me, sections of my 580EX flash are beginning to make sense to me.

Anyone who has read more than five posts on my blog has picked up on the fact that I am more than a little obsessive, somewhat disturbingly moody, and totally unreliable. Consistency and steadiness with communication are not part of my profile. Therefore, I’m confident that most folks realized when I disappeared that Anita was simply off on some tangent again. I always feel a little guilty about not at least posting a note to all my blog-world friends whose fellowship I so much enjoy. At the very least, I could have put up some type of note—at least “Gone fishing” or something, but the fog had invaded my brain and, as is often the case in these situations, I was totally tongue-tied.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

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May you have an abundance of blessings for which to give thanks.

Still Life Photos in My Future

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Wow. I surely do know where to go for counseling the next time we have a houseguest. When I think of how much less work would have been involved! No. Wait. All that advice was from guys. Hmm. Maybe I should get some advice from some females to balance things out.

Here is the truth. I need something like a houseguest to put an axe over my head. I do want to eventually get fully moved in. But, there are always pictures to be made; something new to learn; experiments to be pursued; tutorials to study; material to read. What is a person to do? Now, thanks to The Husband’s niece, we are a little closer to being settled in and making this a home.

But, you had better believe that the minute the door closed behind The Houseguest, the B&H box came out. The dust behind the three-horse trailer she was pulling hadn’t settled over the driveway, before I had gotten the STE2 transmitter on the 50D.

I spend the next two days making dozens of test shots. More dead batteries. I’m slow. In the time it took to get the photo of the vegetables remotely close to what was in my head, a second bridge over Oakland Bay could have been built. Even after all those tries, the photograph still needed some clean up (should have done more) from the light spills that I failed to control, and the final product didn’t match up to my mental picture.

But, it’s that persistence thing. Eventually, I will work my way closer and closer to a grasp of how this stuff works. Ray K recommended a book to me that is bound to make its way into my Christmas stocking, and I continue finding helpful articles online. Expect to put up with more still life photos sprinkled among the landscapes and pictures of the horses—especially as winter settles in here. I can watch the snow fall while I take tons of pictures and keep my feet warm as toast. Sounds like a good plan. I stay comfy, and it sure beats tackling those last couple of rooms that need to be done.